100+ [Best] Funny Captions for Instagram (2020)

• I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!
• Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
• Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.
• An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
• I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!
• I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
• Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.
• Dear Lord… please give me some patience NOW…NOW…NOW….
• I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.
• How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
• The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
• Friday is my second favorite F word.
• It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
• If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
• BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.
• I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.
• Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
• You made me laugh so hard. Tears ran down my legs.

Make a Hilarious Tag for Selfies

• God is really creative, I mean just look at me.
• Who cares, I’m awesome.
• Eat, sleep, click, repeat.
• I’m different, fuck your opinion.
• Look behind you see any eager faces, waiting for your next post? I thought not.
• Remember when you were better than me ?.. Ans: ya neither do I.
• Look dope chic, spice and so nice.
• I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
• I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
• I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
• I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
• I am not fat, I am just… easier to see.
• I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.
• I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.
• There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking. So we meet again…
• If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.
• Warning – You might fall in love with me.
• I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
• What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
• If being hot is a Crime ARREST ME!
• I just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
• People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
• If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.
• Silence is the best answer to all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately, both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.
• I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
• Nothing is illegal until you get caught
• If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
• I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.
• Born free, taxed to death.
• Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.
• On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15
• Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude?

Friendship Quotes for Your Favorite Companions

• Let’s just stay friends = never talk again.
• I know you are a sensitive person but no worry I am Sensodyne to your sensitivity.
• People are people but my fellows are really fellows.
• Not all the best moments are created with the one you love, some are created with true friends, a blissful beach, and some beer for sure!
• You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”
• Finding friends with the same mental disorder is priceless.
• I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not—they’re taking selfies.
• People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside.
• Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
• Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean… But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
• I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
• We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.
• Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
• As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure is going to happen.
• Friends knock on the door, best friends walk into your house and start eating.
• A friend in need of a friend to be avoided.
• Roses are red, violets are blue, Oh my friend you to a zoo.
• I hope we are good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
• Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.
• When you fall I will be ready to catch you- with love, floor.
• Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
• Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
• Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
• Do you actually have friends? Ans: Yeah, bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
• The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.
• I’m usually charming, nice, and well mannered, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now
• Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.
• Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

For Playful Couples

• Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.
• You marry so that you can know each other and the process lasts for infinity.
• With great girlfriend comes great expenses.
• Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
• Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married…
• My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
• Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

Be strong in breakups

• I don’t want to be in a relationship, I would rather be in a Range Rover.

Cute Engagement captions

• One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
• Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

Relationship Quotes for Him

• I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
• I m a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you.
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.